The Importance of Gratitude and Reflection

To those of you who are on your journey that may have started this year, I hope that you have seen some of the fruits of your delayed gratification. For me, practicing gratitude and reflection have really paved the way for me over the years, especially after my incident. Not a day goes by where I am not thinking about everything that happened to me, but in the best of ways. There are so many instances that make me think “wow am I glad to be alive” or “ it could have been so much worse”. I know that that can be annoying for some, but when you have been on the brink of death, knowing that any one of the multiple stab wounds could have ended your life, it hits so much harder. This blog post is going to be a very deep and heavy one, please bring your lifting belts and strap up.

I first want to thank you for all the support. This journey has it’s ups and downs, but it always feels reassuring to know that I’m not alone. You do not have to go through the same things that I went through to feel what I feel, it’s the support and the understanding that truly makes the difference.

This will be the third year since my life was almost taken away from me. I always take this day off work to look back on everything and to truly reflect on how much of a blessing it is for me to be alive and well. So many different things go through my mind and I get the chance to truly be with those moments. Some moments are very vivid, some are very cloudy. All in all it is an opportunity for me to look inward and appreciate all the things I have done since then. I am glad that I have this blog to write into, it helps me get all my thoughts out and share them with you. Apologies in advance if this particular blog seems out of order or hard to follow, I am literally letting you know my thoughts as they come.

The Night of

I mentioned the actual event in my first blog My Superhero Origin Story but I can walk you through some of the thoughts that I was having prior. I remember that day I was gearing up for a date. The date was at mission beach and we were going to play some volleyball. That day I was coasting up and down the boardwalk on my blades for the first part of the day.

I knew that I was meeting my date at the volleyball courts that day so I was ready to show off. However, once I arrived I did not realize how serious the players were! It wasn’t a bad thing but they really wanted you practicing good technique, and unfortunately, I could remember them saying that I was lifting the ball a lot! For those who don’t know, that would be like carrying in basketball, you can’t manipulate the ball when returning it over the net. I certainly was a football player playing volleyball in that since. A lot of athleticism, not a lot of finesse. We played until sunset and I remember the sunset being so pretty that I had to take a picture. Believe it or not, it was one of the last pictures I took that night and I still have it.

This is the picture I took, those of you who are familiar with the area know the string of volleyball nets right next to the basketball courts at the end of the boardwalk, that’s where we played. Pretty sure that I lost most of the sets we played haha.

I can remember that night hanging out on a rooftop and enjoying myself! Being a craft beer fan I would always upload any new interesting beers in an app called untappd. Below is another picture from that night of one of the beers I had and I was so surprised about how good it tasted!

Pretty solid pure project beer from that night. Crazy to think that this was just hours before everything happened.

Lets skip past the actual event itself and dive into the fact that everyone else thought that I was missing. For two days all of my loved ones didn’t know where I was and they all knew that something was wrong. Hospitals won’t reveal patient info without consent so I was lost to the world. This is one of the heaviest feelings that I reflect on. Something about everybody that you have ever known feeling like they can’t find you breaks me down. I would never want people to have that feeling about me, especially because that is the exact same thing that I would feel for them. I truly love the support that my people have given me through out all of this, including the countless hours of searching for me street by street.

The Damage

It goes without saying that I have scars that will be with me for the rest of my life. Physically, those first couple of weeks had their moments. Being hooked up to equipment, being tube fed and bedridden can take it’s toll. It was these moments where gratitude really got me through. When you have over 20 surgeries, no one physically allowed to be with you in the room and no idea of the long term damage you have to think about how much worse it could be. It was a miracle that I was even able to breathe, let alone walk and talk. Warning Graphic Image below.

Only some of the damage, open heart surgery, bowel resection, chest tubes (both lungs collapsed), NG tube. I was in rough shape.

The power of positivity

No matter how bad it seemed, I always remained positive and had a smile on my face. You can’t let them see you sweat, not only that there has to be a level gratitude of the things you do have especially after you feel like you’ve lost. It is a long process and continuing, good times and bad but I will always be grateful for not only my strength, but the support of my loved ones because it truly takes a village. I got calls from family and friends all the time to check up on me. That kept me going. A good amount of the rush hour series marathon and robot fighting helped out a good amount too! Positivity has allowed me to live my life to the fullest and since then, I’m getting married, I personal train for a living and I have been more present than I have ever been! Check out a couple of things I’ve been up to since then!

One of the first pictures that I took after leaving the hospital. It was great to have my family there with me to help me heal!

Just a small amount of the loved ones I have a pleasure to be around

My beautiful fiance Yams. We just got back from Maui and I highly recommend!

There are so many more things that I am looking forward to share. I truly believe that things happen for a reason, at the end of the day I hope that reading this will give you just a little bit more gratitude while you reflect. Remember that this journey as always moving forward but remember where you’ve been. Most importantly, stay present! Thank you for all of the support you’ve given me so far. I can’t wait to see what is in store for us!